Guys, when you are out in the blogosphere you are bound to find the funniest things. Things that make you laugh out loud.
The other day I found this funny, funny list over at Desiree's blog! I was laughing so hard when I read it.
OKAY, of course you have got to take it with a grain of salt. Rememeber that...OK?
You've been in the States too long when...
1. It has become natural to eat without using a knife.
2. When everything in Europe seems small and everything in the US seems to be regular size.
3. When you have stopped thinking or even asking about a glass when drinking beer. When you prefer to drink out of the bottle or can directly.
4. When you take your car everywhere even when going to the shop next door.
5. When you think gas prices in the US are EXPENSIVE.
6. When you think it is necessary to fill your drink with as much ice as possible.
7. When you answer I am fine thank you even if you are dying if someone asks you how you are.
8. When you find it normal to have two or more Christmas trees.
9. When you decorate your Christmas tree with so many decorations you can hardly see the tree.
10. When Christmas decorations means covering your entire yard with Christmas stuff and lights.
11. When you think of Christmas as the 25: th of December instead of the 24: th.
12. When you think Swedes have way too much vacation.
13. When it is necessary to always have your TV on when you are home no matter what.
14. When having less than 3 TVs is too little.
15. When you understand most of the rules of football or baseball.
16. When football is football and not soccer to you in your mind.
17. When you have at least 10 different credit cards.
18. When Swedish coffee has become too strong and you have started to like decaf- hazelnut coffee.
19. When you stop converting dollars into your native currency.
20. When you start using degrees Fahrenheit, inches, yards, pounds ect and they have meaning to you.
21. When you feel it is necessary to have more than 50 channels on your TV.
22. When you buy a god bless America sticker for your car.
23. When you prefer the God bless America plates on your car.
24. You prefer to eat your lunch alone in front of your computer.
25. When a “fika” at work seems like a waste of time.
26. When a Nissan Armada or Hummer seems like a normal size car.
27. When a sandwich for lunch seems like a very good lunch. And perhaps also the small bag of potato chips to come along with the sandwich.
28. When you stop using your blinker when driving.
29. When multitasking in the car seems normal like reading the paper, eating or applying makeup.
30. When your phone is glued to your hand while driving and you make all your phone calls from the car.
31. When cheese means a yellow squared slab of something without taste.
32. When buying cheese over the counter seems exotic.
33. When seeing a person on a bike has become exotic.
34. When you find it normal that stores are open 24 hours and that service on a Sunday is normal.
35. When a light beer means fewer calories and not less alcohol.
36. When you find it normal that people keep their cap on while eating at a restaurant.
37. When you have to get your nails done each week at the nail salon.
38. When you find it natural to tip the hairdresser and you know how much to give.
39. When you prefer sweet tea instead of unsweetened tea.
40. When tea means ice tea rather than hot tea.
41. You wonder how you ever lived without wall to wall carpeting.
42. You use a blower rather than a rake when collecting leafs.
43. You find it normal to fill your garbage can so the lid can hardly can close twice each week.
44. When you call the doctor as soon as you even detect a slight fever or cold.
45. When having a cold for more than two days you feel you need to go and get a shot.
46. You can throw a plastic bottle away without having a guilty conscience.
47. When using bleach has become as necessary as using detergent when doing your laundry.
48. When macaroni and cheese looks yummy.
49. When you have had two beers and jump into the car without even thinking about it.
50. You find it natural that the month is written before the date.
51. When using PM and AM has become more normal than using 24-hours.
52. When you have started to actually like the frosting/icing on cakes.
53. When pants are no longer too short when they end right above your ankle.
54. When you know the definition of “mom jeans”.
55. Whenever you invite people over the TV has to be on.
56. The TV has to be huge and it has to be placed in the great room.
57. You don’t find it strange that sales tax is always added on top of the price listed on the price tag in the store.
58. You think shoe racks should only be used in places where there is lots of snow.
59. When going to the toilet it is normal to continue the conversation with your friend in the booth next to you.
60. It is normal to have a haircut every 5 weeks even if you have long hair.
61. When going to the hairdresser it is normal to have at least 3 persons working on your hair, one cutting it, one blow-drying it and one washing it.
62. Furniture should be big and dark.
63. Drugs not only mean illegal drugs but also refer to medicine.
64. Drinking on regular weekdays doesn’t make you into an alcoholic.
65. You listen to and understand Howard Stern and find him funny.
66. You enjoy Satellite radio and you know what satellite radio is.
67. You enjoy peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and known the meaning of expression like PB&J.
68. You find it normal that the majority of people attend church on Sundays and Wednesdays.
69. It is normal that people have indoor dogs as well as indoor cats. You don’t have to walk small dogs. It is ok to only walk your dog for 5 minutes.
70. You expect and find it totally normal that someone packs your groceries for you at the supermarket using at least 10 to 20 plastic bags.
71. You consider getting a van as a second car.
72. You would not dream about having less than 2 cars.
73. Fried means deep-fried to you.
74. You use the drive thru and it feels normal.
75. You would not consider going out and eating if there was no such thing as the doggy bag.
76. The master bedroom always has a separate master bathroom.
77. New Year celebration does not seem that important any longer, it is ok to go to bed at 10 pm and miss the whole thing, celebrating 4:th of July is much more important.
78. You feel it might be ok to mix everything in the trash such as paper, glass, metal ect
79. Of course the new house comes with light fixtures and curtains. It is totally ok that the curtains don’t match any of your furniture or colors at all.
80. You don’t find it strange that you can buy fully furnished houses.
81. You have become a member of either Costco or Sam’s Club or both.
82. You have a TV that is over 40 inches in size.
83. You walk with your shoes inside without minding taking them off any longer.
84. You own a huge American flag.
85. You look forward to the firecrackers on 4th of July celebration.
86. Vacation means 3 to 5 days not 3 to 5 weeks as in Sweden.
87. You buy and use scented candles and air fresheners like Febreeze.
88. You expect the mail to be delivered on Saturdays as well.
89. You own at least one pair of Crocks and just love them.
90. Men wearing small swimwear (Speedos or less, anything that goes above the knee) are either considered to be gay or European.
91. When you have fallen in love with doughnuts from Krispy Kreme.
92. When your favorite at Starbucks is a Frappuchino.
93. You constantly carry around a large soda with lots of ice wherever you go.
94. You know what Twinkies are and you love eating them.
AND just to level it out...Here is a list written by an Australian living in Stockholm, Sweden...
You know you've been in Sweden to long when...Taken from a web-sites for Aussies in Sweden...
* You rummage through your plastic bag collection to see which ones you can keep to take to the shop and which ones can be sacrificed for rubbish.
* The first thing you do upon entering a bank/post office/chemist etc. is to look for the queue number machine.
* You accept that you will have to queue to take a queue number.
* When a stranger on the street smiles at you, you assume:
a: he is drunk
b: he is insane
c: he's an American
* Silence is fun.
* The reason you take the ferry to Finland is:
a: duty free vodka
b: duty free beer
c: to party hearty...no need to get off the boat in Helsinki, just turn around and do it again on the way back to Sweden.
* Your coffee consumption exceeds 6 cups a day and coffee is too weak if there is less than 10 scoops per pot.
* A sharp intake of breath has become part of your vocabulary, as has the sound ”Jah hahh”
* Your native language has seriously deteriorated, now you begin to "eat medicine", "open the television", "close the lights off", “take a beer”, ”look upon everything” and tell someone to “follow with me” or "you needn't to!" You start to say “for 2 years ago” and expressions like "Don't panic" creep into your everyday language.
* You associate pea soup with Thursday.
* "No comment" becomes a conversation strategy.
* The fact that all of the "v's" and the "w's" are together in the phone directory seems right.
* Your old habit of being "fashionably late" is no longer acceptable. You are always on time.
* You refuse to wear a hat, even in minus 20 degree weather.
* You hear loud-talking passengers on the train. You immediately assume:
a: they are drunk
b: they are Finnish
c: they are American
d: all of the above
* You know how to fix herring in 105 different ways.
* You eat herring in 105 ways.
* Your front step is beginning to resemble a shoe shop.
* You are no longer scared of Volvos and Volvo drivers
* You can actually drink the coffee.
* You no longer correct people who say MAC Donald's.
* You know that "religious holiday" means "let's get pissed."
* You know that more than three channels means cable.
* You get all the Finnish and Norwegians jokes.
* When you're hungry you can peel a boiled potato like lightning.
* You accept that 80 degrees C in a sauna is chilly, but 20 degrees C outside is freaking hot.
* An outside temperature of 5 degrees C is mild.
* It no longer seems excessive to spend 1,000kr on alcohol in a single night
* You think that riding a bicycle in the snow is a perfectly sensible thing to do.
* You have conversations with people outside when it is –10C.
* Having to book seat numbers at a cinema makes perfect sense. And you sit in your booked seat even if there are only 2 other people there and your seat is in the front row, on the side.
* You regard it as sensible that the ice cream van comes around playing that annoying song when it is -15C.
* Julmust starts to taste good.'
* You think nothing of paying $50 for a bottle of 'cheap' spirits at systembolaget
* You have your own innebandy club.
* You find yourself debating the politics of the social democrats.
* You use ’mmmm’ as a conversation filler.
* You wear warm clothing when it's 25 degrees plus in April - because it's April.
* You wear shorts and t-shirt when it's barely 10 degrees in July - because it's July.
* You get extremely annoyed when the bus is two minutes late.
* Your wife watches TV while you look after the kids.
* You become a punctuality freak and dump your friends for being late more than once.
* You spend the week's entertainment budget on a pack of cigarettes and a drink in Gamla Stan.
* When a stranger asks you a question in the streets, you think it's normal to just keep walking, saying nothing.
* You've been engaged for four years and don't have any plans to get married.
* You think black rimmed glasses are cool. Your wardrobe now consists of 20 different shades of black and grey.
* You don't question the concept of 'telephone time'. It seems reasonable that no business can be conducted on Friday afternoons. [or the entire month of July]
* You assume that anyone who apologises after bumping into you is a tourist.
* You reach for your pocket 20 times a day as mobile phones ring all around you.
* You actually care if your mobile phone meets the fashion standard - and so do your new Swedish friends.
* It seems reasonable that even those begging for money at T-centralen reach for their pocket as the melodic music of the Swedish mobile phone resounds.
* You get into a Mercedes taxi cab and think nothing of it
* Paying $6 for a cup of coffee seems reasonable.
* You understand that when a colleague asks you out for "a drink," it will probably be a long night with a severe hangover the next day.
* You start to think that having a sauna in the nude with a bunch of strangers is a necessary part of daily life ... and a necessary part of business.
* You start to differentiate between types of snow.
* You get offended if, at a dinner party, someone fails to look you in the eyes after raising their glass for a toast
* Seeing a young woman with lit candles stuck to her head no longer disturbs you.
* You become extremely skilled at assembling pre-packaged furniture kits.
* "Candles" are a permanent fixture on your weekly shopping list.
* You get to the movies early so that you can watch the commercials.
* You accept you must walk 2 kilometres to collect your book/tape from the Post Office, because they don't deliver small packages (or large ones)
* Your shed becomes the first stage in the recycling process and you can't get in it for bags of paper/cardboard/bottles, refundable glass/plastic, recyclable glass/plastic/ containers/etc.
* When offered a bottle of beer the first thing you look at is the alcoholic percentage.
* You can't contemplate actually doing anything until you've first had a 'fika' (with coffee AND cake).
* You think it's normal to park your car only on the right hand side of the street and are quite happy to move it elsewhere on Thursday evening because the street is being cleaned
* Hearing the words f*ck and shag on daytime TV seems perfectly normal.
* You mutter "oy,oy,oy" continually to yourself even though you are the only one in the room.
* Bringing dead sticks indoors at Easter and hanging coloured feathers on them seems a good way to celebrate spring.
* Pigs say ”nerf nerf”, frogs say ”kvack, kvack” and roosters say ”kuckeliku”
* You immediately think that a bottle of wine contains 75cl, and a carton of cream is 3dl. And you can’t for the life of you remember just what 500ml is in dl or cl.
* You will squeeze past somebody rather than say excuse me.
* The first thing you do in the morning is to switch on your car heater.
* Drinking spirits can only be accompanied by formal singing from song sheets and vice versa.
* A fun way for people to pass a wintry afternoon is to watch a Bandy match outdoors when it's minus 20 degrees.
* Everybody has an outdoor thermometer at home and they all compare temperatures when they get to work.
* You start eating egg and bacon instead of bacon and eggs.
* You pour filmjölk (soured milk) on your Kellogg's Frosties.
* Your preferred pancake topping is lingonsylt.
* You don't want a cold glass of Coke with ice on hot summer days but rather a nice steaming cup of coffee.
* You stop searching for a T-Bone steak.
* You start talking to yourself in Swedish.
* You think nothing of spending all day at IKEA looking for a piece of furniture and then spending the whole next day putting it together.
* You take your shoes off when entering a house while visiting your family in Australia.
* You not only order a pizza with asparagus, banana and bernaise sauce on it, but you actually like it and wonder why they don't offer it back in Australia.
* You find yourself wobbling home from the pub on your bicycle.
186. You know how to take care of a toddler, a pram with baby, a shopping trolley (that needs to be returned for the coin), paying for and bagging all your own groceries, without ever once expecting anyone to offer to help you.
* You think horse meat is a totally acceptable sandwich topping.
* You think there is nothing wrong with planning Christmas around Kalle Anka (Donald Duck).
* You don't even think about what you are saying when you are off to the shop to buy your favourite brand of cat food, and you say, "Be right back love, I'm just gonna go get some Pussi"
* You start calling Coke "cola".
* You get up for a cigarette at 2 AM in July and put on your sunglasses first.
* You can deal with the idea that the week starts on Monday.
* You would never ever even consider using a metal knife on the butter.
* As a student, you accept and even enjoy getting dressed in formal wear to go to a candle-lit 3 course dinner where you will alternately bang on your table and stand on your chair singing songs in praise of alcohol each and every time you attempt to raise your fork to your mouth.
* You think that the 25kr ICA bonus cheque is generous after spending 2500kr in their shop.
* If a friend says that he/she would like to get together with you, you instinctively reach for your pocket calendar.
* You begin to understand Danish.
* You can identify the people on Big Brother and Expedition Robinson.
* You find it completely natural that otherwise sensible people dress up in silly hats on several occasions during August while they’re eating crayfish and drinking as much vodka as they can.
* You don’t think twice about calling someone in the next room using your mobile phone.
* A 25 % sales tax on just about everything is no big deal.
* Opening your Christmas presents on the 24th of December no longer seems like cheating.
*You can use bra, fart, and slut in the same sentence without giggling.
*You refer to weeks by their number.
* you think the songs played at "The Eurovision song contest" are instant hits.
' You don't get surprised when kids come trick-or-treating during Easter, all dressed up like witches.
* You think it's normal that people take shoes in a bag to the theatre
* You stop thinking you're being yelled at every time you hear "Hey!"
* You eat pizza with a knife and fork.
* A seven-year-old with his own mobile phone seems perfectly sensible.
* Your wallet contains more plastic than a Hollywood superstar.
* You aimlessly chat using SMS.
* A “big strong one” is a beer.
* When someone says "Cheers" you look at everyone in turn before drinking.
* You know that going for a coffee is a first date.
* When someone asks you "Hi, how are you?" you actually take time out to explain how you are.
* You are no longer surprised when you see full-frontal male nudity in a commercial or on TV.
* You can pick out the real blondes from the fake blondes.
* You get used to seeing dogs tied up outside of supermarkets and you stop to pat them.
* And paying $800,000 for a 3 room (living room, 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, kitchen) house in a suburb of Stockholm seems cheap.
* When you are terrified of meeting you neighbour in the stairwell.
* You think there is no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing.
* You think Sweden is big (because you always compare it to Finland, Norway or Iceland)
* “Sex and the City” is on at 6pm.
* The 'extended family' involves both sets of new partners/kids, their exes and any kids... all without a punch up!
* You automatically line up the barcodes on all your groceries at the supermarket checkout.
* You start thinking about buying a boat.
* You know that twenty hundred is a year, not an hour.